Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
A Man with five wishes
wish 1. A giant extra long chili cheese coney the size of tractor.
wish 2. To be the president of the United States of America.
wish 3. To be impeached from office.
wish 4. To own the Playboy Mansion.
wish 5. To own the batmobile.
The first wish went wrong because the man couldn't finish the chili dog and the food rotted and molded in his house.
The second wish went wrong because he didn't really want to do that work.
The third wish was a cure for the second wish.
The fourth wish went wrong cause, well it didn't.
And the fifth wish was just cool.
wish 2. To be the president of the United States of America.
wish 3. To be impeached from office.
wish 4. To own the Playboy Mansion.
wish 5. To own the batmobile.
The first wish went wrong because the man couldn't finish the chili dog and the food rotted and molded in his house.
The second wish went wrong because he didn't really want to do that work.
The third wish was a cure for the second wish.
The fourth wish went wrong cause, well it didn't.
And the fifth wish was just cool.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Yo Yo!
I'm playing with this yoyo and as a spin the yoyo out, my cousin Marina (see big cat balls) pulls my sleeve and ruins it.
You don't do that to a yoyo master!
I'm gonna get the hell out of here! GOSH!
You don't do that to a yoyo master!
I'm gonna get the hell out of here! GOSH!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Drunk Dial
All of the following words posted in red are the drunk dialer, all in blue are people he's calling.
"Uh, h-h-hey, hey what's goin on?"
"Sir this is Pizza Hut"
"So uh, are you hot or er, uh... what are you doing?"
"Sir this is Pizza Hut, would you like to order something sir?"
"Uh...Ummmm.... yeah...... so, what are you doing?"
" I'm hanging up now sir"
" Fine leave me!"
He is now calling his ex girlfriend.
" Hey, hey Linda, what ar you doin?"
" sleeping, it's 2:30 in the morning"
" okay, can I, can I stop by? or..."
" No Steve I'm with Scott now!"
" Okay so... is that a yes?"
" NO STEVE!"
" okay so uh..... um.... what are you doin?"
" (sigh)"
"Uh, h-h-hey, hey what's goin on?"
"Sir this is Pizza Hut"
"So uh, are you hot or er, uh... what are you doing?"
"Sir this is Pizza Hut, would you like to order something sir?"
"Uh...Ummmm.... yeah...... so, what are you doing?"
" I'm hanging up now sir"
" Fine leave me!"
He is now calling his ex girlfriend.
" Hey, hey Linda, what ar you doin?"
" sleeping, it's 2:30 in the morning"
" okay, can I, can I stop by? or..."
" No Steve I'm with Scott now!"
" Okay so... is that a yes?"
" NO STEVE!"
" okay so uh..... um.... what are you doin?"
" (sigh)"
Friday, February 12, 2010
Uncensored, Uncut
Who cares about all the emo, goth, vampire wannabees, whose apparent only home is Hot Topic, who cares if I hang my unfitting jeans so low to the ground that I trip over them if I walk too fast and I talk in some form of dialect only people from the projects and Orange County speak.
So if I wanna be a "gangsta", or some "emo" who cuts them self and listens to GreenDay then I'll do that, but what if wanna be a normal kid away from all this middle school drama crap!?
But that's the damn problem is that tv shows like: The Hills, Degrassi and pretty much anything on MTV, have instilled this stupid belief in kids that it'sd cool to talk like a little hood and go around telling people that you smoke, this is the forsaken age of sarcasm and MTV has created a mind set that allows children to believe that people on the Jersey Shore are role models!
I live in a nation over ruled by the racist continental, so fed up! stupid Clay Aiken!
So if I wanna be a white trash rapper, and let my life the crapper I'll spread the word about the closeness of the grossness in thisplace, I feel like an alien dunno what people sayin sometimes!, memenim comin up with hiphop ryhmes!
I hate it!
So if you wanna sing then sing about reality not about nestaligy or Lebron James game he won, it leads ten year old boys to have a gun to rebel to repel the oppurtunitys of life!
So if I wanna be a "gangsta", or some "emo" who cuts them self and listens to GreenDay then I'll do that, but what if wanna be a normal kid away from all this middle school drama crap!?
But that's the damn problem is that tv shows like: The Hills, Degrassi and pretty much anything on MTV, have instilled this stupid belief in kids that it'sd cool to talk like a little hood and go around telling people that you smoke, this is the forsaken age of sarcasm and MTV has created a mind set that allows children to believe that people on the Jersey Shore are role models!
I live in a nation over ruled by the racist continental, so fed up! stupid Clay Aiken!
So if I wanna be a white trash rapper, and let my life the crapper I'll spread the word about the closeness of the grossness in thisplace, I feel like an alien dunno what people sayin sometimes!, memenim comin up with hiphop ryhmes!
I hate it!
So if you wanna sing then sing about reality not about nestaligy or Lebron James game he won, it leads ten year old boys to have a gun to rebel to repel the oppurtunitys of life!
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Whirly's awards
This is the Whirly's where we present titles to celebritys, so give it up for our host...JOHNNY DEPP!
No just kidding it's just me, but without further adu let's present our first award.
The biggest jerk of 2009... here are our nominees... Christian Bale... Tiger Woods... Mike Leach...or Jon Gosselin.
And the winner is................... Mike Leach!
Don't apoligize you idiot just accept the fact that you're a total ass****!
Our next award is for biggest drama queen of 2009, and the nominees are......Mariah Carey... Jennifer Lopez... "Snooki" from Jersey Shore........... or Brett Favre.
And the winner is.............Brett Favre!
Look Brett I know some people still love you because you returned from your retirement, but come on, you should've saved yourself the tears, what!? were you on your period or something!?
Our next award is for most annoying child star, and the nominees are.... Josh Hutcherson.....Cole and Dylan Sprouse..... or Miley Cyrus.
The results are obvious............Miley Cyrus. Nuff said.
No just kidding it's just me, but without further adu let's present our first award.
The biggest jerk of 2009... here are our nominees... Christian Bale... Tiger Woods... Mike Leach...or Jon Gosselin.
And the winner is................... Mike Leach!
Don't apoligize you idiot just accept the fact that you're a total ass****!
Our next award is for biggest drama queen of 2009, and the nominees are......Mariah Carey... Jennifer Lopez... "Snooki" from Jersey Shore........... or Brett Favre.
And the winner is.............Brett Favre!
Look Brett I know some people still love you because you returned from your retirement, but come on, you should've saved yourself the tears, what!? were you on your period or something!?
Our next award is for most annoying child star, and the nominees are.... Josh Hutcherson.....Cole and Dylan Sprouse..... or Miley Cyrus.
The results are obvious............Miley Cyrus. Nuff said.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Help Animals because They are More Important than People
People suck!
Help save animals or you suck!
Help them or I will come to your house in the middle of the night and beat the crap out of you with a sock full of batteries!
HELP ANIMALS NOW!
Help save animals or you suck!
Help them or I will come to your house in the middle of the night and beat the crap out of you with a sock full of batteries!
HELP ANIMALS NOW!
Caterpillars and Why They are Awesome
Caterpillars are awesome because thay know from the time they are born that they will acheive total awesomeness someday.
Caterpillars are fuzzy.
In stories caterpillars sit on mushrooms and smoke hookhas.
Some caterpillars have yellow blood.
Caterpillars are the symbol of awesomness because they are caterpillars.
Caterpillars are fuzzy.
In stories caterpillars sit on mushrooms and smoke hookhas.
Some caterpillars have yellow blood.
Caterpillars are the symbol of awesomness because they are caterpillars.
Alice in Wonderland Party
Okay for my thirteenth birthday party, me and a few of my friends are going to see a girl fall from 100 stories up and still survive, and Johnny Depp dressed as a pshychotic zombie, having a tea party with a jack rabbit.
TRIPPY!
Yep!, you got it right Alice in wonderland everybody, and I'm Freakin EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, there's something familiar about every single one of Tim Burton's movies, hmmm what could it be?
Oh yeah, his wife and Johnny Depp and him all get together, smoke a few joints and then write the screenplay for a movie together.
Seriously though, can Helena Bonham Carter get a job in a movie that her husband hasn't produced?
Let me think about this... Harry Potter, and Planet of the Apes.
No but Helena's great and Johnny is my idol, but why if Tim really loved his wife, does he keep trying to get her to cheat on him with Johnny Depp? Plus no man that loves his wife, blows up her head to three times it's normal size, I don't know maybe Helena is just the kind of girl you have disrespect over and over again to get her in the mood.
TRIPPY!
Yep!, you got it right Alice in wonderland everybody, and I'm Freakin EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, there's something familiar about every single one of Tim Burton's movies, hmmm what could it be?
Oh yeah, his wife and Johnny Depp and him all get together, smoke a few joints and then write the screenplay for a movie together.
Seriously though, can Helena Bonham Carter get a job in a movie that her husband hasn't produced?
Let me think about this... Harry Potter, and Planet of the Apes.
No but Helena's great and Johnny is my idol, but why if Tim really loved his wife, does he keep trying to get her to cheat on him with Johnny Depp? Plus no man that loves his wife, blows up her head to three times it's normal size, I don't know maybe Helena is just the kind of girl you have disrespect over and over again to get her in the mood.
AVATAR
I'm sure everybody has heard about James Cameron's Avatar breaking records for 3rd most popular film ever.
I saw the movie a few weeks ago in New Orleans and it was phenomenal.
The Na'Vi are amazing, and while their appearance is strange, it still is amazing to watch these beings swing from glowing purple vines, and ride gargantuan turqouise dragons.
The script has just the right amount of seriousness, and comedy.
I saw the movie a few weeks ago in New Orleans and it was phenomenal.
The Na'Vi are amazing, and while their appearance is strange, it still is amazing to watch these beings swing from glowing purple vines, and ride gargantuan turqouise dragons.
The script has just the right amount of seriousness, and comedy.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Aliens
If I was an alien from another galaxy...which I'm not...I would disguise myself as the dominent species on Earth... a duck.
From organic material of the earth, such as plant life, but would have the DNA of a duck, so I would look as a duck would look, except that the only possible species to posess the technology to create a proper skin suit of a duck would be the Z-Quantodriaclodroinixxx's, which have been extinct for nearly five goowendril years.
From organic material of the earth, such as plant life, but would have the DNA of a duck, so I would look as a duck would look, except that the only possible species to posess the technology to create a proper skin suit of a duck would be the Z-Quantodriaclodroinixxx's, which have been extinct for nearly five goowendril years.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Top Ten Worst Names In The English Language
1. Keith
2. Ronald
3. Craig
4. Bart
5.Oswald
6. Gordon
7.Ned
8. Harry
9. Nathaniel
10.Gary
2. Ronald
3. Craig
4. Bart
5.Oswald
6. Gordon
7.Ned
8. Harry
9. Nathaniel
10.Gary
Mood Swings
Hey have you ever been so pissed off at somebody that you could bite there freaking head off, and not even remember it the next morning?
Yeah that's how I feel sometimes when I'm around my cousins.
Last night I was literally being driven insane by one of my cousins, and I had to go to bed because I was shaking and my eyes were bugging out of my head.
Or maybe you've been driven to tears by this person, because they have made you so angry, or confused that you want to round house kick them to the face, and then deliver a strong upper cut to the nose, which would cause them internal bleeding, until they slowly died, but you just could'nt.
Perhaps this person has taken something dear to you that care about, and dangles it in front of your face, practically saying, "ha ha I have this and you don't!"
They say violent actions won't help, but what about all those people who steal stuff and get away with it, pretty tempting.
Or maybe you are just in love with something or someone.
The wondering, do they return my feelings or not?
This emotion can lead to all of the emotions above, and this one is one that I frequintly expeirence, and that is why it is my least favorite.
It sucks.
Yeah that's how I feel sometimes when I'm around my cousins.
Last night I was literally being driven insane by one of my cousins, and I had to go to bed because I was shaking and my eyes were bugging out of my head.
Or maybe you've been driven to tears by this person, because they have made you so angry, or confused that you want to round house kick them to the face, and then deliver a strong upper cut to the nose, which would cause them internal bleeding, until they slowly died, but you just could'nt.
Perhaps this person has taken something dear to you that care about, and dangles it in front of your face, practically saying, "ha ha I have this and you don't!"
They say violent actions won't help, but what about all those people who steal stuff and get away with it, pretty tempting.
Or maybe you are just in love with something or someone.
The wondering, do they return my feelings or not?
This emotion can lead to all of the emotions above, and this one is one that I frequintly expeirence, and that is why it is my least favorite.
It sucks.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Boobs and Burbon
I am in New Orleans,Louisiana, and I just got back to my hotel room.
I was on the French Quarter, on Burbon Street.
Every where I looked there were drunk people, and strip clubs.
Music was booming!We went into a quiet store to look at merchandise, and what we found were necklaces with rubber boobs on them, condoms, and alligator heads.
Yep wer'e in New Orleans alright!
I was on the French Quarter, on Burbon Street.
Every where I looked there were drunk people, and strip clubs.
Music was booming!We went into a quiet store to look at merchandise, and what we found were necklaces with rubber boobs on them, condoms, and alligator heads.
Yep wer'e in New Orleans alright!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Big Cat Balls
Okay so I went to the zoo with my cousin Marina right?
But when we're at the jaguar enclosure she yells while she points to the jaguar's testicles, quote: "testicles!","Sperm sacks!" as loud as she can, in a zoo, sorrounded by people.
But when we're at the jaguar enclosure she yells while she points to the jaguar's testicles, quote: "testicles!","Sperm sacks!" as loud as she can, in a zoo, sorrounded by people.
Friday, December 25, 2009
What Would ya do for a Klondike Bar?
What would you do for a Klondike bar?
Would you wear a chicken suit and eat trash?
Would you lick the toilet seat?
Would you eat a bucket of cat litter?
Would you drink a bottle full of cat pee?
Would you lick peanut butter off of a koala bear's fur?
Would you eat a human foot?
Would you eat a pile of steaming dog poop?
I wouldn't either.
Would you wear a chicken suit and eat trash?
Would you lick the toilet seat?
Would you eat a bucket of cat litter?
Would you drink a bottle full of cat pee?
Would you lick peanut butter off of a koala bear's fur?
Would you eat a human foot?
Would you eat a pile of steaming dog poop?
I wouldn't either.
Homeless People
Look I get that it's really sad that we have hobos walking the streets in the cold winter, but give me a break, they are practically zombies.This lady was wearing a dirty cheetah spotted shirt and had no teeth, and she wouldn't go away.
She started wiping our windshield and we had to pay her a quarter to go away.
Plus I saw this chick who looked like she was on meth or something, she had gray hair and was really skinny.
Look all that I'm saying is leave me alone!
Oh and don't have a poor, hungry dog, just to get some sympathy when your just gonna blow the pity money on booze!Give the poor thing to a shelter!
She started wiping our windshield and we had to pay her a quarter to go away.
Plus I saw this chick who looked like she was on meth or something, she had gray hair and was really skinny.
Look all that I'm saying is leave me alone!
Oh and don't have a poor, hungry dog, just to get some sympathy when your just gonna blow the pity money on booze!Give the poor thing to a shelter!
Who would win in a fight? A Robot or a Polar Bear?
Who would win in a fight? A robot or a polar bear?
The polar bear is the size of a car and could probably maul the robot pretty bad, but the robot could shoot a lazer gun at the polar bear.
Robot...No question.
The polar bear is the size of a car and could probably maul the robot pretty bad, but the robot could shoot a lazer gun at the polar bear.
Robot...No question.
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