1. Keith
2. Ronald
3. Craig
4. Bart
5.Oswald
6. Gordon
7.Ned
8. Harry
9. Nathaniel
10.Gary
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Mood Swings
Hey have you ever been so pissed off at somebody that you could bite there freaking head off, and not even remember it the next morning?
Yeah that's how I feel sometimes when I'm around my cousins.
Last night I was literally being driven insane by one of my cousins, and I had to go to bed because I was shaking and my eyes were bugging out of my head.
Or maybe you've been driven to tears by this person, because they have made you so angry, or confused that you want to round house kick them to the face, and then deliver a strong upper cut to the nose, which would cause them internal bleeding, until they slowly died, but you just could'nt.
Perhaps this person has taken something dear to you that care about, and dangles it in front of your face, practically saying, "ha ha I have this and you don't!"
They say violent actions won't help, but what about all those people who steal stuff and get away with it, pretty tempting.
Or maybe you are just in love with something or someone.
The wondering, do they return my feelings or not?
This emotion can lead to all of the emotions above, and this one is one that I frequintly expeirence, and that is why it is my least favorite.
It sucks.
Yeah that's how I feel sometimes when I'm around my cousins.
Last night I was literally being driven insane by one of my cousins, and I had to go to bed because I was shaking and my eyes were bugging out of my head.
Or maybe you've been driven to tears by this person, because they have made you so angry, or confused that you want to round house kick them to the face, and then deliver a strong upper cut to the nose, which would cause them internal bleeding, until they slowly died, but you just could'nt.
Perhaps this person has taken something dear to you that care about, and dangles it in front of your face, practically saying, "ha ha I have this and you don't!"
They say violent actions won't help, but what about all those people who steal stuff and get away with it, pretty tempting.
Or maybe you are just in love with something or someone.
The wondering, do they return my feelings or not?
This emotion can lead to all of the emotions above, and this one is one that I frequintly expeirence, and that is why it is my least favorite.
It sucks.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Boobs and Burbon
I am in New Orleans,Louisiana, and I just got back to my hotel room.
I was on the French Quarter, on Burbon Street.
Every where I looked there were drunk people, and strip clubs.
Music was booming!We went into a quiet store to look at merchandise, and what we found were necklaces with rubber boobs on them, condoms, and alligator heads.
Yep wer'e in New Orleans alright!
I was on the French Quarter, on Burbon Street.
Every where I looked there were drunk people, and strip clubs.
Music was booming!We went into a quiet store to look at merchandise, and what we found were necklaces with rubber boobs on them, condoms, and alligator heads.
Yep wer'e in New Orleans alright!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Big Cat Balls
Okay so I went to the zoo with my cousin Marina right?
But when we're at the jaguar enclosure she yells while she points to the jaguar's testicles, quote: "testicles!","Sperm sacks!" as loud as she can, in a zoo, sorrounded by people.
But when we're at the jaguar enclosure she yells while she points to the jaguar's testicles, quote: "testicles!","Sperm sacks!" as loud as she can, in a zoo, sorrounded by people.
Friday, December 25, 2009
What Would ya do for a Klondike Bar?
What would you do for a Klondike bar?
Would you wear a chicken suit and eat trash?
Would you lick the toilet seat?
Would you eat a bucket of cat litter?
Would you drink a bottle full of cat pee?
Would you lick peanut butter off of a koala bear's fur?
Would you eat a human foot?
Would you eat a pile of steaming dog poop?
I wouldn't either.
Would you wear a chicken suit and eat trash?
Would you lick the toilet seat?
Would you eat a bucket of cat litter?
Would you drink a bottle full of cat pee?
Would you lick peanut butter off of a koala bear's fur?
Would you eat a human foot?
Would you eat a pile of steaming dog poop?
I wouldn't either.
Homeless People
Look I get that it's really sad that we have hobos walking the streets in the cold winter, but give me a break, they are practically zombies.This lady was wearing a dirty cheetah spotted shirt and had no teeth, and she wouldn't go away.
She started wiping our windshield and we had to pay her a quarter to go away.
Plus I saw this chick who looked like she was on meth or something, she had gray hair and was really skinny.
Look all that I'm saying is leave me alone!
Oh and don't have a poor, hungry dog, just to get some sympathy when your just gonna blow the pity money on booze!Give the poor thing to a shelter!
She started wiping our windshield and we had to pay her a quarter to go away.
Plus I saw this chick who looked like she was on meth or something, she had gray hair and was really skinny.
Look all that I'm saying is leave me alone!
Oh and don't have a poor, hungry dog, just to get some sympathy when your just gonna blow the pity money on booze!Give the poor thing to a shelter!
Who would win in a fight? A Robot or a Polar Bear?
Who would win in a fight? A robot or a polar bear?
The polar bear is the size of a car and could probably maul the robot pretty bad, but the robot could shoot a lazer gun at the polar bear.
Robot...No question.
The polar bear is the size of a car and could probably maul the robot pretty bad, but the robot could shoot a lazer gun at the polar bear.
Robot...No question.
My Best Friend is a T-rex
My T-rex is awesome.
His favorite thing to drink is a vodka and pterodactyl blood martini.
I took him to my friend Gibby's birthday party...it did not go well.
He ate the clown, stuffed his face with cake, and stomped on all of Gibby's presents.
Gibby told me that I had to leave, then my T-rex ate him .
I was really depressed because the T-rex a te my dog too.
The next day me and my T-rex went swimming, he broke the life gaurds chair.
My T-rex didn't want to go in the pool bacause he said that his arms were too tiny, and that the other dinosaurs would make fun of him, I told him that all of the dinosaurs were dead, and that made him go on a rampage.
That night I went home and my house was empty because my T-rex hadn't come home.
I looked at the natural history museum and I found him there, looking at a t-rex skeleton.
I told him it was going to be okay, and that I would make him a pterodactyl martini when we got home.
I made him twelve pterodactyl blood martinis.
He got drunk and ran threw town and climbed the chrysler building.
Of course the Airforce was called and he was shot down at 11:23 pm, on May 16 ,2004.
My T- rex is dead. It's funny but I don't remember my T-rex's name.. I think it started with a t , like Toby, or Tony, or maybe Toejam.
His favorite thing to drink is a vodka and pterodactyl blood martini.
I took him to my friend Gibby's birthday party...it did not go well.
He ate the clown, stuffed his face with cake, and stomped on all of Gibby's presents.
Gibby told me that I had to leave, then my T-rex ate him .
I was really depressed because the T-rex a te my dog too.
The next day me and my T-rex went swimming, he broke the life gaurds chair.
My T-rex didn't want to go in the pool bacause he said that his arms were too tiny, and that the other dinosaurs would make fun of him, I told him that all of the dinosaurs were dead, and that made him go on a rampage.
That night I went home and my house was empty because my T-rex hadn't come home.
I looked at the natural history museum and I found him there, looking at a t-rex skeleton.
I told him it was going to be okay, and that I would make him a pterodactyl martini when we got home.
I made him twelve pterodactyl blood martinis.
He got drunk and ran threw town and climbed the chrysler building.
Of course the Airforce was called and he was shot down at 11:23 pm, on May 16 ,2004.
My T- rex is dead. It's funny but I don't remember my T-rex's name.. I think it started with a t , like Toby, or Tony, or maybe Toejam.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Memoirs of Santa Claus
Hello if you are reading this, then I am already dead.
My name is St. Nicholas aka Santa Claus.
It is 2:34 am, and I am just west of the Mid-Atlantic Ridge.
The closest land is the island of Newfoundland in Canada, but alas a hurricane has swayed my sliegh and has killed Dancer, one of my lead reindeer.
Dasher is extremely intoxicated due to drinking a full bottle of Grey Goose vodka, in fact he may be dead.. He hasn't moved in like five minutes and his body is hanging on the reins.
I see no land in sight, all connections to elf headquarters have been disabled by the storm and I have to let all my feelings go into these last words on my lap top.
I was raised by elves as a boy because my mother abandoned me in the snow of a small German village. That's right, Santa's a dumpster baby! And even the elves never played with me. No, they were too busy making toys, so I had to make friends with the chipmunks and birds. But the chipmunks threw acorns at me, and the birds pecked at my eyes.
So, from brutal rejection I took comfort in food and became morbidly obese at age seven.
Gramma Elf always told me that I was fat and that I should go herd the local reindeer to get some exercise.
So I did, and I named all of the reindeer. They excepted me and soon I started to act as one of them, even running naked with them through the fields.
But of course Gramma Elf didn't understand and so she sent me to a mental institution.
I made some good friends in the institution, like Mickey.
Mickey was in the institution because he snuck into some one's house in the middle of the night by going down their chimney and stealing their socks while they were drying by the hearth, of course the hearth was lit and Mickey burned his feet. The irony of it was that Mickey couldn't wear socks ever again.
One night Mickey told me that he was going to go hunting once he got out of the institution. Hunting for reindeer.
So naturally I punched him in the mouth, it shattered his teeth, and Mickey never talked to me again.
One night I heard a tapping at the window, then I heard another tap.I went to the window and saw my favorite reindeer ChiChi flying outside.
Chi broke the window with her hoof and bent the bars with her antlers, and then we flew off together.
Later I asked her how she did it, and she told me that she had eaten magic corn, which I know is total bull****.
So now her and her brothers Shnitzel and Lenny could fly too, and I was free of the mental institution.
I lived with the reindeer and learned their ways, and soon ChiChi had children.
She had three babies who could also fly just like her. She had a daughter named Vixen, another daughter named Dancer and a son named Prancer.
Lenny and Shnitzel had the rest of the flying reindeer with their wives Kellie and Maya.
I trained the reindeer so that I could harness their ability to fly and rule the world. That would have been so bad ass!
But alas I went to a fat camp and met my wife Carol. Carol ended up losing 112 pounds. I didn't have as much success.
Carol convinced me that I should use my reindeer friends and toy making skills for good. So I built a sleigh and every Christmas Eve I would slide down the chimney and deliver gifts to deserving children.
I soon became weary and tired, Carol and I alone could not make and deliver to everybody in the world in one night by ourselves. So I had to go visit the elves.
It had been ten years since I had last seen the elves and I was very nervous.
When I got to the elves house I heard news that Gramma Elf had died seven months before. The elves agreed to help me after I threatened to feed them to polar bears.
I loved Carol very much and soon we had twin girls, Mykaela and Nicole.
We are near Ireland, and I just ran out of my last flask of whiskey. CRAP!
So anyways when Nicole and Mykaela were wbout thirteen I decided that Germany was not the ideal place to raise our kids (WW II) so we moved to Northern Greenland, right at the center of the North Pole.
About twelve years passed and soon I was very busy, and had no time for Carol or the girls.
I soon found out about an affair between Carol and my head elf Diddly. Carol and the girls went to stay with her sister in Sweden, and of course I fed Diddly to hungry polar bears.
I was in a deep depression and on Christmas Eve a storm broke out and I couldn't navigate so I went to Svalbard and asked a little reindeer to guide us. The reindeer's name was Adolph, of course they changed it in the song because of political reasons.
Adolph had been born in Hamburg, Germany but I had rescued him from experimentation that had been done on him by the Nazis.
But sadly his nose was always a bright glowing red.
So he guided my sleigh that night and then retired and moved to Boca.
Me and Carol made up and everything was back to normal.
Until now.
It's 3:15 am and it is getting very bad out here, the first six reindeer are dead! And there's only eight reindeer.
Okay I'm sending and.......Okay, um, posting to Facebook..... okay.
Oh Crap! Blitzen just shot himself with a gun!
I'm so startled!
AHHH!
Oh my God! a glacier!
My name is St. Nicholas aka Santa Claus.
It is 2:34 am, and I am just west of the Mid-Atlantic Ridge.
The closest land is the island of Newfoundland in Canada, but alas a hurricane has swayed my sliegh and has killed Dancer, one of my lead reindeer.
Dasher is extremely intoxicated due to drinking a full bottle of Grey Goose vodka, in fact he may be dead.. He hasn't moved in like five minutes and his body is hanging on the reins.
I see no land in sight, all connections to elf headquarters have been disabled by the storm and I have to let all my feelings go into these last words on my lap top.
I was raised by elves as a boy because my mother abandoned me in the snow of a small German village. That's right, Santa's a dumpster baby! And even the elves never played with me. No, they were too busy making toys, so I had to make friends with the chipmunks and birds. But the chipmunks threw acorns at me, and the birds pecked at my eyes.
So, from brutal rejection I took comfort in food and became morbidly obese at age seven.
Gramma Elf always told me that I was fat and that I should go herd the local reindeer to get some exercise.
So I did, and I named all of the reindeer. They excepted me and soon I started to act as one of them, even running naked with them through the fields.
But of course Gramma Elf didn't understand and so she sent me to a mental institution.
I made some good friends in the institution, like Mickey.
Mickey was in the institution because he snuck into some one's house in the middle of the night by going down their chimney and stealing their socks while they were drying by the hearth, of course the hearth was lit and Mickey burned his feet. The irony of it was that Mickey couldn't wear socks ever again.
One night Mickey told me that he was going to go hunting once he got out of the institution. Hunting for reindeer.
So naturally I punched him in the mouth, it shattered his teeth, and Mickey never talked to me again.
One night I heard a tapping at the window, then I heard another tap.I went to the window and saw my favorite reindeer ChiChi flying outside.
Chi broke the window with her hoof and bent the bars with her antlers, and then we flew off together.
Later I asked her how she did it, and she told me that she had eaten magic corn, which I know is total bull****.
So now her and her brothers Shnitzel and Lenny could fly too, and I was free of the mental institution.
I lived with the reindeer and learned their ways, and soon ChiChi had children.
She had three babies who could also fly just like her. She had a daughter named Vixen, another daughter named Dancer and a son named Prancer.
Lenny and Shnitzel had the rest of the flying reindeer with their wives Kellie and Maya.
I trained the reindeer so that I could harness their ability to fly and rule the world. That would have been so bad ass!
But alas I went to a fat camp and met my wife Carol. Carol ended up losing 112 pounds. I didn't have as much success.
Carol convinced me that I should use my reindeer friends and toy making skills for good. So I built a sleigh and every Christmas Eve I would slide down the chimney and deliver gifts to deserving children.
I soon became weary and tired, Carol and I alone could not make and deliver to everybody in the world in one night by ourselves. So I had to go visit the elves.
It had been ten years since I had last seen the elves and I was very nervous.
When I got to the elves house I heard news that Gramma Elf had died seven months before. The elves agreed to help me after I threatened to feed them to polar bears.
I loved Carol very much and soon we had twin girls, Mykaela and Nicole.
We are near Ireland, and I just ran out of my last flask of whiskey. CRAP!
So anyways when Nicole and Mykaela were wbout thirteen I decided that Germany was not the ideal place to raise our kids (WW II) so we moved to Northern Greenland, right at the center of the North Pole.
About twelve years passed and soon I was very busy, and had no time for Carol or the girls.
I soon found out about an affair between Carol and my head elf Diddly. Carol and the girls went to stay with her sister in Sweden, and of course I fed Diddly to hungry polar bears.
I was in a deep depression and on Christmas Eve a storm broke out and I couldn't navigate so I went to Svalbard and asked a little reindeer to guide us. The reindeer's name was Adolph, of course they changed it in the song because of political reasons.
Adolph had been born in Hamburg, Germany but I had rescued him from experimentation that had been done on him by the Nazis.
But sadly his nose was always a bright glowing red.
So he guided my sleigh that night and then retired and moved to Boca.
Me and Carol made up and everything was back to normal.
Until now.
It's 3:15 am and it is getting very bad out here, the first six reindeer are dead! And there's only eight reindeer.
Okay I'm sending and.......Okay, um, posting to Facebook..... okay.
Oh Crap! Blitzen just shot himself with a gun!
I'm so startled!
AHHH!
Oh my God! a glacier!
10 Reasons to Not Have a Giraffe as Roommate
1: The giraffe will get a huge sense of entiltlement,and will start thinking he is better than you.
2: The giraffe will start going to the gym, buy an iphone,and tell you that he's worried about a brown spot that he found on his shoulder.
3: The giraffe gets a hot secretary named one of the following: stephenie,Carina, or Jenny, and he poops on her desk, he apoligizes and says that he had bucket of mangos for lunch (that explains the orange color.)
4: The giraffe is going to start telling you how he went fishing with Bobby Flay.
5: The giraffe will start telling you that you should get a job in physical therapy,and or accounting, like his friend Steve or Sebastion.
6: The giraffe will leave clumps of hay in the living room.
7: The giraffe will tell you that you need to buy a Volkswagon CC, and that he got the new Chris Daughtry cd.(At this point you should murder the giraffe.)
8: The giraffe tracks what you hope is mud all through the apartment.
9: The giraffe breaks the ceiling fan in the living room.
10. The giraffe tells you that he thinks that you are a bothersome roommate and that you should move out.
2: The giraffe will start going to the gym, buy an iphone,and tell you that he's worried about a brown spot that he found on his shoulder.
3: The giraffe gets a hot secretary named one of the following: stephenie,Carina, or Jenny, and he poops on her desk, he apoligizes and says that he had bucket of mangos for lunch (that explains the orange color.)
4: The giraffe is going to start telling you how he went fishing with Bobby Flay.
5: The giraffe will start telling you that you should get a job in physical therapy,and or accounting, like his friend Steve or Sebastion.
6: The giraffe will leave clumps of hay in the living room.
7: The giraffe will tell you that you need to buy a Volkswagon CC, and that he got the new Chris Daughtry cd.(At this point you should murder the giraffe.)
8: The giraffe tracks what you hope is mud all through the apartment.
9: The giraffe breaks the ceiling fan in the living room.
10. The giraffe tells you that he thinks that you are a bothersome roommate and that you should move out.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Burrito: Tasty Snack or Poisonous Food of Doom?
I don't know but those burritos from taco bell give me gas! Who do they think they are? Poisoning me! It's biological warfare! Well if they want a war then bring it on!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Re-reading the Harry Potter Series
Ya know, I really loved the Harry Potter Books a long time ago, so now I'm re-reading the series and I have already read something in the first book that I had completely forgotten.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I read the Twiight series and I'm going to give my opinion on what I think of the book series.I think it is awesome,with gruesome turns,romantic twists and action packed thrills. I think that the werewolves of LaPush are the heroes who really believe that vampires are the bringers of death,and that they must all be annialated.I really have to side with the werewolves and I think that it adds to the mythology of werewolves to bring in such things as imprinting,or the fact that their fur color represents their aura.
The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod
The first book of The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod is called: EIGHTH GRADE BITES.It is about a young vampire named Vladimir Tod who is in junior high and must constintly worry about drinking his fellow classmates blood.Vlad has a tough enough life being a teenage vampire and all,but to make it worse the girl he likes has a crush on his best friend. Although I prefer the Twilight saga to this book,EIGHTH GRADE BITES is a heartwarming tale that is both gruesome and dramatic and contains mystery and gutwrenching terror as well.If you like the first book of this series then I suggest you read the second addition to the series,called NINTH GRADE SLAYS.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I like to name animals.Last week at Petco I saw a dog in a pen out front of the pet store ,who was a fat,white bulldog/pit bull mix, he had such a charming charisma about him, so I named him Alexander,.It just fitted him.I named two pit bull puppies Emmet and Edward, Edward was hairless and had red skin,while Emmet was white with reddish brown spots.
About me
Hello my name is Shane. I live in Cedar Creek, Texas with my mom ,dad and my two dogs Circus and Shasta.Oh by the way I'm twelve,not some creepy forty year old guy who still lives with his mom.
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